By Kerri van de Loo
Lately, I’ve had several conversations recently with parent's around sportsmanship and attitude in kids playing sport, and the pressure on children.
And while it’s sad to think that some children don’t have great sportsmanship skills, it does begin with how the parents and adults are teaching them to view their sport. But it’s not the parents fault either - because we all do the best we can with the knowledge we have.
But from my own observation with many children in sport, we really need to support our kids in growing their mindset around sport, helping them harness their attitude, and teaching them how to have positive sportsmanship, as well as resilience and a bounce-back attitude when things don't go the way they hoped.
As a Mind-Body Coach and Life Coach, here are four points I know to be true that can help with raising children in sport (and life!):
CHILDREN THRIVE UNDER POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT
Children thrive and excel under love, praise and self-belief, and will hold themselves back under criticism, high expectations, and too much pressure. When they are afraid of being criticised or told they haven’t done well enough, it creates fear of not being good enough. This will stop them ‘trying’ or putting in effort encase they fail. If you want the best for your child, only ever build them up with praise, love and self-belief. There is never a moment in your child’s life they need to be criticised. No matter how they played in their sport, always praise something: “I loved how you ran so fast with the ball”, “I loved how you helped that girl who fell over”, “I loved how you were working on your passing today and you did some awesome passes, I’m proud of you”, “wow that long shot you got in was incredible”, “you put so much effort in today, it was awesome to watch, well done!” They do not need to hear what didn’t go well - they already know, and all you’ll do is make them feel like a failure.
EXCITEMENT IS THE GREATEST MOTIVATOR
Excitement and fun is the greatest motivator for any human. Your unconscious is responsible for your energy levels, so if your unconscious senses a high level of excitement, it will provide you with the highest amount of energy. This is what drives a kid to go out there and play their hardest in sport, or apply themselves fully in any area. Help ignite your child’s excitement for what they are about to do. Make sport and hobbies about having fun, not about winning or achieving.
LEARN HOW TO LOSE
Teach your child how to lose. Everyone needs to know how to lose, come last, and make mistakes. This is how humans learn. Without these experiences, we don’t learn how to seek new knowledge, try other ways, or put in more effort. If they are afraid to lose or get upset if they lose, then it’s not about the losing. It’s about what meaning they attach to the losing. Most commonly, the meaning they’ve attached to losing is ‘I’ve failed’ or ‘I’m not good enough’. Help them realise that their worth isn’t wrapped up in what they do or achieve. And help them learn that losing doesn’t mean failure.
EFFORT RATHER THAN RESULT
Create a growth mindset in your child by having conversations about their effort and learning, rather than their result. Focus on areas of effort, practice, dedication, and perseverance, and drawing connection of these to their result. For example, “wow you got so many shots in today, that’s from all those days this week you practiced shooting after school, what a great effort” or “you’ve been working so hard on your speed lately, and it really showed today when you ran so fast to get that try, amazing effort”. Connect their result to their effort and perseverance, not their talent or worth.
The words, body language and tone you use when speaking to your child will become their internal narrative as they grow up. What do you want your child to be saying to themselves, and how do you want them to think of themselves?
Hope this helps - just remember they’re only kids, sport is for fun, they’re not in the Silver Ferns or All Blacks.
By Kerri van de Loo
Mind-Body Coach, Life Coach and Belief Clearing Practitioner
Ps. If you are interested in Kerri's powerful online masterclass for ANXIETY IN KIDS you can find this on this link here:
